Everything on the Menu

One of the amazing things about mass chains of commercialism is how they actually alter the way products are named. Don’t understand? Let me give you a couple of examples. Think about how Hotcakes are actually pancakes, and ‘sausage’ is a name for a meat patty or how ‘Big Breakfast’ conjures up images in your mind. Think about how Pampers are actually diapers, Liquid Paper is actually correction fluid and NTUC is actually a supermarket.

Or how Starbucks is actually coffee. Yes. In case in our minds we now see a green mermaid and forget that they are actually a coffee chain.

I’m not going to be a Starbucks basher. I think that for a coffee chain so big, they actually do a pretty good job ensuring that the coffee is consistent across all their branches. Some chains can’t even ensure the coffee is consistent across all their baristas business hours. And I think Starbucks serves decent coffee la. Not the worst, but definitely not the best either. Just like how you don’t expect fabulous sashimi from Sakae Sushi.

Starbucks has changed the coffee landscape. It has re-defined the names we use to identify for coffee. Hardly anybody orders a good ol’ cappuccino in Starbucks anymore; everybody thinks about Frappuccino. Java Chip Frappuccino, anybody?

What I’ve done on this page is to include a series of coffee items you would typically see on a Cafe menu in Singapore, together with a brief description of each one so you don’t have to look like an idiot person who doesn’t know coffee the next time you head to a cafe anymore!

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The ones here are all espresso coffees. They are all drinks with one shot espresso (30ml) and varying amounts of other stuff like milk, milk foam and syrups. You can ask for an extra shot if you want stronger coffee. If you head to Starbucks or Coffee Bean you can actually ask for soy milk instead of cow milk if you’re really that fat-conscious. But to be honest, I think it’s just adding Tau Hway Chwee into your coffee. Absolute nonsense, and also an insult to the barista. But those are essentially your options.

Latte/ Flat White

Let’s start with the drink that has the most milk in it. It makes sense that ‘latte’ actually just means ‘milk’  in Italian. One shot of espresso and plenty of milk. Plus some milk foam on the top. Lattes are usually served in a glass.  A flat white is the exact same thing without the foam.

Cappuccino

The ko-lo-yoke (sweet and sour pork) of coffees. Just like how everybody knows what ko-lo-yoke is when you go to a cze char or an economic rice stall, most people are familiar with cappuccinos.

A classic. Single shot espresso coffee, with a good portion of milk; but less than a latte. What makes a cappuccino special is the spooning of milk froth on the top giving it a delightful creamy texture and giving you a white moustache. The foam should kind of dome out at the top; and most places sprinkle some chocolate powder on top. Just for fun. Cappuccinos are usually served in cups.

This particular coffee was served at Wild Honey (Mandarin Gallery).

Ah yes. As you can see, not all cappuccinos are served with a dome cap. This one at Papa Palheta didn’t. It’s the presence of the foam that matters.

Piccolo Latte

Not many cafes serve this, but I like the one at Black. Piccolo Latte actually literally means ‘small milk’ in Italian. As you can see, it’s a really small coffee. Served in a teeny cup, it’s essentially an in-between a cappuccino and a macchiato.

Macchiato

Some people like their coffee stronger. This one has even less milk in it than the piccolo latte. It’s just 1 shot of espresso; and a dollop of milk and foam on top. The milk does a great job of taking away the acidity of the coffee without watering down the flavour. A good pal of mine, Paul, swears by this.

No, this is NOT the same as a Caramel Macchiato (probably the first drink you’d think of when the M-word is mentioned). I’ve asked a few baristas, nobody has any idea how Starbucks managed to link their drink to the real Macchiato. The Starbucks version is just a latte with caramel syrup and ice.

Americano/ Long Black

The angmoh version of our local Kopi-O. Two shots espresso in a cup, topped up with hot water to fill it up. That rhymes!

Oh yes. And I’ve learnt something new in the past few months. An Americano and a Long Black are actually very different; though they are made of the exact same components. A

Americano => Espresso + Water

Long Black => Water + Espresso.

Now, it might seem like an idiot talking, but trust me there’s a whole lot of difference. If you look in a cup of good espresso, there should be a thick layer of creamy oils on the top. This is known as crema; and it’s the best part of the coffee where all the rich flavours are. What happens in an Americano is that they pour hot water over this crema, breaking it up. The result is a coffee that is less aromatic and flavourful. If I were you, I’d always order a Long Black.

Though, if you ordered this at Starbucks, the part-time baristas usually don’t know the difference and they mess up my Long Black into an Americano. So sad.

Espresso

And of course, this is the essence of all the above. All made from this one drink: the espresso shot. 30mls of water pumped through 7 grams of coffee powder in 25 – 30 seconds. This is what you get. Drink it fresh while hot!

If you actually noticed, I listed those coffees in the order of decreasing amounts of milk.

Beyond the pure espresso + milk combinations, flavours can be added. Some flavours like mint or orange coffee remain on the suburbs of coffee-land and push the boundaries, others are mainstream because they are served in mainstream cafes with big customer reach (like caramel or toffee nut at Starbucks). Some places also serve coffee with alcohol.

Some others have found their way into mainstream acceptance like Cereal Prawns have in our local Cze Char culture. Chocolate, by far is the the most accepted in coffee.

Mocha

Essentially a latte with some chocolate syrup/ powder/ fudge at the bottom. In case you really like Mocha, I recommend Starbucks’ Iced Caffe Mocha. It’s amazingly rich and the bitterness of the chocolate fudge and espresso is awesome. My favourite drink from Starbucks.

This particular one, was drank at Caffe Beviamo.

Iced Mocha

The same. Espresso, milk, chocolate. Plus ice. What I don’t like about iced drinks is the fact that they tend to be totally watered down if the balance of ice is not handled properly. Some places try to salvage this situation with a scoop of ice-cream (like this one at Caffe Beviamo) and the ones at Dome.

Alrightey. This is the pretty complete list of coffees you can order at non-Starbucks cafes. I spent quite some time collecting those photos ok. Imagine the number of coffees I had to drink.

I hope you managed to keep awake reading this. Cos I certainly am awake. If not, maybe you need a coffee.